Bill Gates Chooses Heaven or Hell
Bill Gates arrives at the port to heaven and hell. Petrus says, “You see Bill, we don't know what to do with you. You may choose “heaven” or “hell.”
Bill peeks in heaven and sees a couple of old boring men sitting around at a table. Then he takes a look in hell and sees really beautiful women, sex, drugs, rock and roll, and most of all, gambling.
Finally, Bill says, “I am a gambler man and I want to go to hell.” Once said, Bill is immediately thrown into the fire. Infuriated over this he says, “Hey, what the hell is this, I saw all the gambling, the women, and sex?”
The devil says, “That was just a demo version."
Two friends and the Slot Machines
Two friends, Smith and Jones, went together to play the slot machines at the casino. Each agreed that when his allotted money was gone, he would go to the front of the casino and sit on the bench to wait for his friend.
Jones quickly lost all of his money and went to sit on the bench. He waited and waited and waited and waited.
After what seemed an eternity, he saw Smith coming towards him carrying a huge sack of coins. “Hey, Jones,” said Smith, “how'd you do?” “Well, Smith,” said Jones, “you see me here on this bench- what do you think? It looks like you hit it big, though.” “Oh yeah,” said Smith, “did I find a good machine! It's way in the back. I'll show it to you…you can't lose! EVERY TIME YOU PUT IN A DOLLAR FOUR QUARTERS COME OUT!!!”
Tipping the Dealer
A blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer.
The player said, “When I get bad cards, it's not the dealer's fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously had nothing to do with it so, why should I tip him?”
The dealer said, "When you eat out do you tip the waiter?"
“Yes.”
“Well then, he serves you food, I'm serving you cards so you should tip me.”
“Okay, but, the waiter gives me what I ask for. I'll take an eight.”
No. 29
A woman was in a casino for the first time. The spinning ball of the roulette wheel has always caught her attention so she decides to play at the roulette table, saying, “I have no idea what number to play!” A young, good-looking man nearby suggests she plays her age. Smiling at the man, she puts her money on number 29. The wheel is spun, and 36 comes up. The smile drifts from the woman’s face and she faints.
The Cherry Tree
A group of men from Chicago spent a weekend gambling in Las Vegas. One of the men on that trip won $100,000. He didn't want anyone to know about it, so he decided not to return with others, but took a flight to home after the others have already left He arrived home at 3 a.m. Immediately, he went out to the backyard of his house, dug a hole, and planted the money in it. The following morning he walked outside and found only an empty hole. He noticed footsteps leading from the hole to the house next door, which was owned by a deaf-mute. On the same street lived a professor who understood sign language and was a friend of the deaf man. Grabbing his pistol, the enraged man went to awaken the professor and dragged him to the deaf man's house.
“You tell this guy that if he doesn't give me back my $100,000 I'm going to kill him!” he screamed at the professor. The professor conveyed the message to his friend, and his friend replied in sign language, "I hid it in my backyard, underneath the cherry tree."
The professor turned to the man with the gun and said, “He's not going to tell you. He said he'd rather die first.” |
